Just started my last week of chemo and will get unhooked from the pack on Friday. I came home from the infusion and saw a huge poster on the front door with beautiful flowers from Bec. I felt a bit fuzzy but was really happy. Slept well and woke up kind of down and I couldn’t understand why. Everything is going well. Physically, I’m way beyond expectations and the cancer has shrunk over 90% with doctors very happy about a full recovery. It’s all good.
Then a little voice got in my ear and told me how much I was missing and how I felt cooped up and how frustrating it is to be working from home. The voice kept reminding me how bad I felt and how far I had to go not how far I’ve been. I won’t lie, I got real down, real fast and that’s not part of my nature. So, I decided to pass all of the worry and heaviness over to God. I know he knows where I am and how I feel. Chances are he might be a bit disappointed b/c I’m looking at today, where he sees the whole picture, my whole life. Sometimes I think he shakes his head and says, “You have no idea what awaits you if you just trust me. This is the season I gave you, for a reason, now let’s see how you come out of this hard and painful season into a new season of joy.” I don’t think about why I got cancer. Can’t go there. All I can do is put my faith in God at my strongest and on a day like today where I’m far from strong. I have to trust in his plan. I just have to believe.